Lost Without You
by blueskies723
Summary: Sequel to Breaking Down. Casey is released from the hospital after recieving treatment, but will the events after her release make her go back to her old ways? Disclaimer,Author's note, and Warning inside.
1. Unable to Cope

**Disclaimer:**I wish I owned Law and Order SVU, but I don't. However, Danielle and all the other characters are mine.

**Author's Note:**So I decided that since there wasn't much closure in the Season 9 finale and in The Casey Series, I figured that I'd write a story that took place after the last book of The Casey Series(Breaking Down). I was also out of ideas for anything else, so until I think of something, I'm going to write this. This story is not part of the series.

**Warning:** There will most likely be self-harming material in this book(I don't know if it's fact yet, but it is most likely. And it's better to be safe than sorry), so if there is any of that material in this story, please read with caution. I should also warn the reader's that there is a character death(It's not Casey, but I can't say anymore.I think I already said too much) in this story, but this death will not happen until the end.

Read and Enjoy. :)

-blueskies723

* * *

Danielle was driving three hours just to take her sister home. Casey has been in a mental hospital in Saratoga Springs since her suicide attempt and after a few months of not dealing with Casey every day, she wanted to spend every minute she can use to hang out with her sister.

She got out of the car and shut the door. It was a warm, summer like day in September and Danielle felt the difference of temperature when she walked into the hospital. She walked through the people walking in all different directions and went in the elevator. She pressed the button with the number five and put her hands in her jean pockets as the elevator lifted her to where she needed to be.

A minute later, Danielle walked out of the hospital and went to the nurse's station. She saw the familiar face of a nurse she met when she first came to visit Casey. Danielle walked over to the station and smiled at the nurse.

"I'm guessing that you're here to pick up Casey"

"Yes I am" Danielle said.

"She'll be out in a minute" the nurse said "I think she's still getting ready."

"Okay"

The nurse walked away to tend to another patient while Danielle leaned against the nurse's station waiting for Casey. She was excited to bring her sister home with her; Danielle was determined to keep the apartment in New York City. She won a position of assistant manager at a grocery store nearby her school and has worked hard for the past two weeks on her studies. Many people at that school believed that Danielle was becoming the next Casey Novak. She wasn't sure; but Danielle knew that she had some of Casey's personality characteristics.

"Danielle!"

Danielle turned to see Casey with the bags in her hands. Danielle created a smile on her face which Casey knew was priceless.

"I'd give you a hug now" Casey said "But I have all these bags. What's the game plan?"

"We're staying at my apartment for the rest of our lives"

"Sounds like a plan to me. We need to make a stop first before we go back to our place."

"Where are we stopping?" Danielle asked.

"I need to pack and clean up my office."

Danielle started to realize that Casey was still suspended. She wasn't sure if her sister was up to the task, but she wasn't going to argue with Casey.

"Are you sure you're ready to do that?"

"I'm sure. Come on; let's go back home."

* * *

Danielle and Casey were enjoying each other's company when they were cleaning the office and packing Casey's personal belongings that will most likely end up in the extra room that Danielle has.

"Wow, you still had this picture on this desk?" Danielle asked as she held up an old picture. Casey stopped putting something in a box and looked at the picture. The picture was Casey attempting to throw a three year old Danielle in their pool.

"That's a famous picture,you know. Everyone at SVU loves it."

"Of course they do" Danielle said as she put in it a box "What other embarrassing pictures of me did you have in this office?"

Before Casey could answer, they heard a knock on the closed office door.

"Come in" Casey said loudly.

The door opened and they found Olivia taking a few steps in the almost bare office.

"Olivia, it's nice to see you again."

"This has to be the emptiest I've ever seen this office" Olivia commented as she looked around the room.

"We've been here for a few hours cleaning" Danielle said "And we're almost done packing."

Olivia shook her head as if anything was normal, but it wasn't. Her friend Casey will never be working with her again.

"Hey Danielle, do you think you can start carrying some of these boxes down to your car?" Casey asked as she shut the box she had.

"Sure"

Danielle picked up two boxes and left the office.

"So, I see that you're actually packing" Olivia said "Didn't you just leave the hospital?"

"I need to get this over with. Besides, your new ADA will be working in this office..."

"And believe me Casey, it will never be the same without you."

Casey gave a small smile which quickly turned to a frown as she dropped the box on the floor.

"I just wish I didn't screw up..."

"Casey, you didn't know what you were doing" Olivia said quietly as she walked closer to her friend "You weren't taking your meds."

"Maybe if I was taking my meds and listened to my sister, I would have my job."

"And right now you're just thinking negatively" Olivia said "Don't think about the past, because what's done is done."

"I know."

"Do you know what you're going to do for another year and 2 months?"

"Danielle talked to a few of her friends at her school" Casey said "They said that they can give me a job in the Admissions office."

"Well that's a start."

"I wish I didn't take the job."

"Why?" Olivia said.

"I don't want the job because it will remind me of this one" Casey said quietly "Like I said, I wish I had my job back."

"Casey, you may not have your job here anymore, but you still have your friends here at SVU."

"I know. Thanks for reminding me."

A few seconds later, Elliot walks in the office.

"I thought that I would find you here, Liv. Do you need any help carrying any of that, Casey?" he asked.

"The two of you can help me if you'd like" Casey said as she picked up a box and started walking out of her old office.

* * *

Casey was mute when Danielle was driving to their apartment. Danielle knew that Casey was upset about losing her job, but she wasn't sure if she should say anything or if she should keep her mouth shut. At a red light, Danielle turned to see that Casey was looking out the window. Danielle did that all the time when she didn't want to talk and was upset in the car. When the light turned green, Danielle looked in front of her and turned right.

"Casey, do you want to talk about it?"

Casey didn't say anything. Danielle thought that after three months of being in a hospital for treatment, Casey would be more open.

"You know, you remind me of myself" Danielle said "I remember every time I had to go home from visiting you, I'd look out the window and wish that I stayed there..."

Casey was still mute. Danielle decided to not say anything else as she turned on their street where their apartment was located.


	2. Defensive

Danielle never liked waking up to alarms. She would rather shut the alarm off and sleep until mid-afternoon, but she had school. So when the alarm woke her up at eight for her ten o'clock class, she shifted over to the other side of the bed to shut off the radio. Then she got up, put on her slippers and headed for the shower.

Half an hour later, Danielle was dressed and ready to go. She went in the kitchen and started getting some cereal when she remembered that Casey had to go with her to school because she had to work. Danielle sighed as she walked out of the kitchen and walked into Casey's room. She saw that Casey was still sleeping when she walked closer to her sister's bed. Danielle looked at the clock and saw it was 8:45. She knew that it took Casey Novak longer for her to get ready. Danielle grabbed a pillow and gently threw it on Casey's head. She heard Casey groan and opening her eyes slowly.

"Wake up Sleeping Beauty" Danielle said as she started laughing "You need to get ready for work."

"I don't want to go to work" Casey said as she turned her back to her sister. Danielle knew that Casey was still upset about losing her job, but she could only be patient for so long.

"Casey Elizabeth Novak, I let you be a mope for the past two days" Danielle said sternly "Now I refuse to let you mope because it's unhealthy for you. Now, I'm going to eat my cereal that's waiting for me in the kitchen and when I come back here, you better be up or in the shower. And if you're still in this bed, I will drag your sorry ass out of it."

Danielle walked out of the room and went back into the kitchen. She knew that she might have sounded harsh, but she wasn't going to deal with the same situation that she had to deal with last year.

* * *

"Wait a minute, are you related to Casey Novak?"

Many people at Danielle's school do not stop talking about her famous sister. Then again, Casey was famous in so many ways.

Danielle was sitting with her friends in the cafeteria. Lauren, Abby and Callie were talking about their next class and the assignment they had to work on for the week, when a first year student walked up to Danielle and asked about her sister.

"Yes, Casey's my sister" Danielle said. She was really sick of all the first year students coming up to her and asking the same questions.

"Wow, that's amazing! Is it truth that she was institutionalized because she went crazy after being suspended?"

"Do you know what's going to be true in a minute?" Danielle said in an aggravated tone "I'm going to punch you in the face if you don't get out of my sight."

The student took the hint and ran away. Danielle's friends started laughing at the student when she ran into another student that no one gets along with.

"I love this school for so many reasons" Callie chuckled "And one of the reasons is the first year students making an ass out of themselves."

"I am so sick of everyone asking about Casey" Danielle said, still in an annoyed mood "It's the same questions they ask me: 'Why did you sister lose perspective in her last case?', 'we heard that you're sister had bipolar disorder', and my personal favorite of 'It must suck being related to her.'"

"Calm down, Danielle. This will past" Abby said "You must admit that you like the fame."

"I don't. I want to be known for me and not Casey."

"We know that" Lauren said "That's all that matters, doesn't it?"

"I guess so"

"I think when we're done here we should go to the library and work on our project" Callie said "We have an hour and a half until our next class."

"That sounds like a plan to me" Abby said.

* * *

Twenty four hours later, the whole school knew that Casey Novak was the receptionist of the Admission's office. She didn't know how to handle the massive crowd in front of her desk, but she knew someone who did.

"Listen to me very carefully" Danielle said loudly "If you bother my sister again, I will personally handle it and it will not be pretty! Now do us a favor and get out of here if you don't have an appointment with your advisor!"

The majority of the group left the Admissions Office and after dealing with the few first year students that did have appointments, Casey looked over to her sister.

"You like threatening people, don't you?"

"I might" Danielle said with a grin "I need to go to class. I'll see you later."


	3. Hate and Love

**Quick Author's Note:** So this was really unexpected, but there might be some minor femslash between two of my own characters. I figure that I'd warn you just in case you don't like reading that sort of thing.

Read and enjoy,

-blueskies723

* * *

A few weeks later, Casey was walking into a cafe that she usually went to for once. Today was different as she sat down next to Olivia at the table that she was saving for them.

"Having fun with your job?"

"Danielle had to threaten most of the school population not to bother me" Casey said as she let out a chuckle

"My sister is a character sometimes."

"I always thought Danielle was a character."

"How's work without me? How's your new ADA?"

"Casey, remember when I hated you when you took over for Alex Cabot?"Olivia asked.

"Yes"

"Well, this ADA is ten times worse. She picks fights all the time over the smallest things. Elliot's about to release his anger and throw her out the window."

"I'm assuming that he never wanted to throw me out the window" Casey said with a smile on her face.

"He may have been annoyed with you, but he never lost his patience."

"Who is she and where did she come from?"

"Her name is Kim Grayleck, and she's a royal pain in the ass."

Casey couldn't help but laugh when Olivia said that their new ADA was a pain.

"As funny as that was, that doesn't answer my second question on where is she from."

"She worked in DC" Olivia said "She was working in the Federal Office of Violence Against Women."

"Wow, she must be bad ass."

"Believe me, you're more of a bad ass than this woman" Olivia said with a smile on her face.

"I'm glad to hear that."

* * *

"How was lunch with Olivia?" Danielle asked. Casey and Danielle were sitting at the kitchen table eating take out.

"It was...amusing."

"Want to tell me how it was amusing?"

"Olivia was talking about the new ADA" Casey explained "The whole squad is sick of her already and Elliot wants to throw her out the window."

"You know, with his anger he can probably do it."

"No Kidding"

"Who is this woman?" Danielle asked.

"Her name is Kim Greyleck..."

"Didn't she work in Washington DC?"

Casey gave her sister a confused look. How did Danielle know about this new ADA?

"Do you know her?" Casey asked.

"No, but I did some research on her. I was about to write about her for a paper, but then I decided to write about you and how amazing you are in the courtroom."

"Was this before I was suspended?" Casey asked.

"I think that's obviously since I haven't written any big papers lately."

"What did you get for a grade?"

"My grade was an A."

* * *

Abby, Callie, Lauren and Danielle decided that since they had to go to part of a trial and write a thesis on it, they should go to see Kim Greyleck in the courtroom. They couldn't help but talk amongst themselves as quietly as possible as the trial went on.

"Are you serious?" Lauren asked "She's an idiot."

"And that suit is disgusting!"

"Abby, you're a riot" Danielle whispered to them.

"I'm sorry, but Casey has a better taste in clothing."

"I love that blue jacket of hers..."

"Doesn't everybody" Danielle hissed "Don't talk to me; I don't want to be in contempt of court."

"I think our teacher is right" Callie said "You are a Casey Novak in the making."

"Shut up"

"Look at her hair" Abby said "It doesn't compare to Casey's hair."

"I really hope you're trying to make points with my sister when she isn't here Abby" Danielle said

"Maybe I am. She is cute."

"I'm sure that Casey isn't looking for girlfriend."

"Well I am" Abby said "So shut up and don't make fun of me."

"I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm trying to get my work done."

"That statement is clear proof that you're just like your sister" Callie whispered.

"You know, I could punch you in the face and be in contempt. Then you'll have to answer to my sister when she bails me out."

"Aren't we violent" Lauren whispered with a grin on her face. Callie and Lauren tried not to start laughing.

Luckily, the judge ordered a 10 minute recess. The four girls looked at each other.

"You know, I think that Danielle needs a boy in her life" Callie said.

"I don't need a boyfriend."

"Maybe she needs a girlfriend" Abby suggested.

"I definitely don't need a girlfriend either" Danielle said.

"Maybe you do and you don't realize it."

* * *

Danielle and Abby were in Danielle's bedroom. Both girls had to work on a project in a class that Callie and Lauren weren't in.

"I can't find any information on what we're researching" Abby said as she was searching through the internet on her laptop. Danielle was uncomfortable being with Abby alone, only because of what Abby said in the courtroom:

"Maybe you do and you don't realize it." Was it possible that Abby liked her more as a friend?

"Well look harder" Danielle said quietly. Abby turned to her friend in shock.

"What's wrong with you?" Abby asked "You're being awfully different around me."

"No, I'm not."

"Then why are you being rude to me?"

"I'm not being rude to you"

"I know you're in denial, Danielle" Abby said "Tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't want to..."

"I may not be a psychologist, but I think that you're being like this because of what I said in that courtroom."

"What are you talking about?" Danielle asked.

"Don't try to play stupid, because it doesn't work on you" Abby said "Do you know why I said what I said yesterday?"

"No, why?"

"Because I like you" Abby explained "I like you more as a friend."

Danielle wanted to run, only because she didn't believe a word that came out of Abby's mouth.

"I don't believe you" Danielle said.

When Danielle looked back at her laptop and started typing, she didn't expect Abby to take her laptop out of Danielle's lap and kiss her.


	4. Discovery

As soon as Abby left Danielle's apartment, Danielle ran out of the room with her phone and called Lauren. She was pacing around as Lauren picked up her phone.

"Hello?"

"Lauren, it's Danielle."

"Hey, what's up?"

"There are too many answers for that question" Danielle said as she kept on pacing.

"Danielle, are you okay? You don't sound like yourself."

"Here's a question for you. If a girl had feelings for you and kissed you, would you care?"

"If I wasn't straight I wouldn't care. Danielle, why are you asking me this and why do you sound so freaked out?"

"I...I..."

"Danielle, you know you can tell me anything" Lauren said "I am your friend, you know."

"Abby kissed me."

"Are you serious? When was this?"

"It happened when she was over here working on our project" Danielle explained "We were arguing about my attitude towards her and then all of a sudden she kisses me!"

"Let me take a wild guess" Lauren said "You didn't expect the kiss and now you're freaking out because you don't know what to do."

"Yes!"

"Well, do you like her?"

Danielle remained silent. She didn't know if she had feelings for Abby or not. But her thoughts were distracted by Casey opening the door.

"I got to go. Casey's here" Danielle said quickly as she hung up. Casey looked at her sister, and she knew that

Danielle wasn't herself.

"Danielle, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"I'm asking because you're talking faster when I do when I don't take my meds."

Danielle didn't want to say anything about her situation, so she started to run into her room. However, when she turned to run into her room, she slipped on a pair of socks. Danielle flew in the air and then hit the floor.

"Ow!"

Casey ran to Danielle's room and saw that she was in pain on the floor.

"Danielle, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?" Danielle screamed "My foot hurts and I'm in unbearable pain!"

"Okay; let me help you on your bed at least."

Casey tried picking up Danielle to have her stand, but she realized that Danielle weighed more than Casey did.

"Can you help the both of us here?" Casey said "Come on! Try to pick yourself up."

"Casey! I can't move my damn foot! Do you really think I can get up and put pressure on it!?"

"You know what? Stay there and I'll call for an ambulance."

* * *

The next thing Danielle didn't expect was to be in the hospital. She woke up and forgot why she was there in the first place. She did see Casey sitting next to her bed in a chair.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty" Casey joked. Danielle rubbed her eyes and looked at her sister.

"Casey, what happened?"

"What do you mean? You were awake when you came into this hospital..."

"Why am I here?"

"Danielle, you fell and slipped on one of your socks" Casey said "Don't you remember yelling at me?"

"No?"

That's when Casey Novak knew that Danielle had more than a broken ankle. A few minutes later, the doctor came in and introduced herself.

"Hi Danielle, I'm Dr. Sataroga" she said "Are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess."

"Doctor, Danielle doesn't even know why she's here" Casey said "How is that possible when Danielle was awake when she was admitted."

"She doesn't remember coming in this hospital?" the doctor asked.

"No, she doesn't."

"That's interesting" the doctor said "Danielle, before you broke your ankle did you feel different and start having weird symptoms of any kind?"

"I think I lost some weight and felt hot all the time."

"I believe that we'll have to take some of your blood to rule out any serious diseases."

"That sounds good to me."

* * *

The next time Danielle woke up, no one was there. She thought that Casey was sitting next to her. Danielle looked at the clock and saw that it was seven in the morning."How is it possible for me to sleep for more than 12 hours?" Danielle thought. She heard footsteps and saw that the doctor walked into the room.

"How are you feeling?" Dr.Sataroga asked.

"I feel tired after getting 12 hours of sleep."

"That's expected."

"What do you mean?" Danielle asked.

"I'm sorry to give you the news, but we ran some tests and found that you have advanced HIV."

"What?"

Danielle couldn't believe the words that came out of the doctor's mouth. She wanted to get out of bed and strangle her doctor, because she knew that it couldn't be true.

"Are you saying that I'm HIV positive?" Danielle asked.

"Yes. Is there any chance that you had sexual intercourse with anyone who has HIV?"

Danielle had to think for a minute. It couldn't have been Abby because they only kissed, and it couldn't have been Nate because they never had sex. There was only one person left and if it was her rapist that had HIV, her own daughter is in big trouble.

"Danielle?"

"Shit" Danielle said quietly. She didn't want to explain to the doctor what she was thinking, but she knew that she needed to talk her sister "Is there any chance you can call my sister?"

"Sure, that's not a problem."


	5. Lost All Control

Casey knew something was wrong when she received the call from the hospital. She ran out of her apartment and went to the hospital. When she was on the floor that Danielle was on, she walked quickly and found Dr.Sataroga at the nurse's statement.

"Doctor, I got your call" Casey said "What's going on?"

"We found out that Danielle was HIV positive."

Casey was speechless; what was there to say? She shook her head to acknowledge that she understood.

"How bad is it?"

"It's advanced. I'd say that in a few weeks it will turn over to AIDS"

"When is she being released?"

"That's a good question, and I thought that Danielle would ask when she could leave" Dr.Sataroga said "She'll be able to leave today if you can help her home."

"Sure, but I'd like to talk to her first before we leave."

"Go Ahead."

Casey walked to the door and opened it. She saw Danielle looking out the window with tears in her eyes. Casey walked to the side of the bed and touched Danielle's hand. This made Danielle turn to see her sister.

"Casey..."

"Danielle, did Josh do this to you?" Casey said

"I think he decided to not tell me that he was HIV positive. Stupid bastard" Danielle spat. Casey knew that from the look in Danielle's eyes, she was very upset.

"Oh no, that means..."

"That means it's likely that my daughter has it too. I know, Casey."

"The doctor said that you can go home today."

"That's the only good news I've heard today" Danielle said quietly.

* * *

Sometimes when you're angry, you do stupid things. Well, Danielle was really angry and did something stupid. She was driving upstate with a broken ankle to find Josh to teach him a lesson. Of course, Danielle broke her left ankle, but it was still a stupid move.

When Casey came home from work, she expected Danielle to be home. Casey noticed that it was too quiet and when she looked in her room to see if she was there, she found a note on the door:

"Casey, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll be home soon."

And that's when Casey knew that Danielle Elise Novak was doing something stupid.

* * *

Danielle grabbed her crutches and started walking into the prison. She already called them and told them that she would be visiting Josh today. A few minutes later, Josh and Danielle were sitting across the table from each other.

"What do you want?" he said "What more do you want if you put my ass in here?"

"I want to know why you didn't tell me you were HIV positive."

"What are you talking about?" Josh asked "How do you know that I have HIV?"

"I know because you gave it to me..."

"That's absurd!"

"Don't be stupid Josh" Danielle yelled as she got up with your crutches "Remember our partying ways two years ago in high school? Remember how you bragged about sleeping with all your girls? Well, you gave me your damn disease when you raped me and now you infected my daughter too!"

"Hey, you need to remember that it takes two to have a kid!"

"Believe me; I'd make a better mother than you would ever as a father!"

"That's because you put me in jail!"

"I put you here because you belong here!" Danielle screeched "You belong here because you raped me and you got me pregnant! And thank the court that your year for another 5 years, because by the time you get out of here I'd be dead!"

Danielle lost her anger and threw one of her crutches at his face. Josh and his chair fell back; and when Danielle was about to hurt him even more, Casey and Olivia ran in there and restrained Danielle before the officers of the prison got involved. While Casey grabbed the crutch Danielle threw at Josh, Olivia handcuffed Danielle and started walking out of the prison.

* * *

"You're lucky that your ass wasn't thrown in jail for assault, young lady" Casey said as Danielle sat down in a chair that was part of the SVU interrogation room.

"I didn't know you were my mother" Danielle spat.

"Oh, so now you're going to be defensive with me" Casey said "Do you know how many years you can get if you actually got arrested and convicted? You're lucky that Olivia and I got there in time!"

"Stop saying that like you're a hero, Casey"

Casey turned and gave Danielle a nasty look. Casey didn't like the way her sister was acting.

"Danielle, you may have every right to be angry at Josh, but you do not have the right to be angry at me!"

"Well I decided that you're an easy target" Danielle said angrily.

"I should ask Olivia to arrest you and see how long you actually last in jail..."

"Go right ahead!" Danielle yelled as she grabbed her crutches and stood up "Because by the time anyone brings me into court and convict me, I'd be dead! Or maybe you didn't realize that because you're pretending to be Manhattan SVU's ADA again since we're in this room! I'm going home, and you better not confront me when you get there!"

Danielle left the room, yelling as she walked into the squad room. Casey wondered if Danielle was just angry of her diagnosis of HIV or if she wasn't taking her medication for her depression. Either way, Casey was worried.


	6. Speak No Feeling

A few days later, Abby went to visit Danielle. Her girlfriend has been miserable since she found out about her diagnosis. She figured that she could try to cheer Danielle help, or at least give her the work that she's been missing in all of her classes. Abby unlocked the door (Danielle gave her a key) and let herself in. She walked straight to Danielle's room, even though her door was shut. Abby knocked on the door.

"Come in unless you're Casey"

Abby opened the door and smiled.

"Do I look like Casey to you?"

"Hey Abby" Danielle said "I see that you have lovely assignments that the professors forced you to give me."

"They didn't force me to give them to you. I just want to be nice."

Abby put the folder of assignments on Danielle's desk and went to lie next to Danielle on her bed.Abby rested her head on Danielle's chest while Danielle was working on her laptop. After a few minutes passed by, Abby sat up and looked at Danielle.

"You can't hide from the truth, you know"

Danielle quickly turned to look at Abby.

"What do you mean?" Danielle asked.

"I read somewhere about the five stages of grief" Abby explained "They're denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think you already went through denial and anger."

"Now I know why you're a psychology major like I am" Danielle said as she let out a giggle.

"But it's true. We already know that you past the anger stage, since you almost killed your ex and you went off on Casey. I think that you're at the bargaining stage."

"Why should I bother bargaining? I already know that I'm going to die."

"I don't mean to be buzz kill or anything, but what did the doctors say?"

Danielle looked up from her laptop and closed her eyes. She hated when people at school asked her that and their question was the reason why she didn't want to go back to school.

"Right now, it's the end of October" Danielle said "They're giving me another six months ,at least."

"Okay...what do you want to do with the last six months of your life?" Abby asked.

"I want to spend it with everyone I love. I want to do things that I've never done and never had the guts to do. I want to visit my daughter and see her. Abby, I want to live."

* * *

The snow started to fall when Casey left work on a December day. She didn't mind walking in the snow since she was used to walking in all sort of weather conditions. She especially liked walking because it numbed the pain and the fact that her sister is slowly dying.

She unlocked the apartment door and opened it. What she didn't expect to see, was the most horrifying thing she has seen in a long time.

Casey looked straight ahead to see Danielle with an alcoholic beverage in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. The window was opened, and Casey ran knowing that her sister would try to jump. Casey grabbed Danielle by the arm and pushed her on the couch in the living room. The beverage spilled as Casey shut the window. And when Casey turned to look at her sister, she saw Danielle cutting herself with the scissors.

"Danielle!"

Casey ran to the couch and took the scissors away from Danielle. When Casey put the scissors at the far end of the coffee table, Danielle started to cry.

"Danielle, what's going on with you?" Casey asked.

"Leave me alone!"

"Get up; we're cleaning your cuts on your arms..."

"No! Leave me alone!"

Danielle got up and ran, but Casey wouldn't let her sister out of her sight. Casey caught up to her and grabbed her arms.

"I have a feeling that someone hasn't taken their medication lately."

"Why do I need to take my meds when I'm dying anyways?" Danielle cried "Why didn't you let me jump out that window, Casey?"

"I didn't let you jump because I love you!" Casey shouted as tears started forming in her eyes "You're my sister and I would never let that happen to you!"

"Well then, you're a lousy sister..."

"You...You listen to me! All you've been doing lately is ignoring me or yelling at me to go away! You only have four more months to live, Danielle! I know for a fact that I don't want to remember you as the miserable sister who didn't want to live, and I certainly don't want you to kill yourself! I'm not letting you do that to yourself; you have come a long way..."

Casey couldn't finish her speech. She could only bring Danielle in her arms and cry for her younger sister.


	7. Elizabeth Rose

"Casey, where are we going?"

It was a sunny Christmas Day, and Casey was driving Danielle's car. After Danielle tried to jump out the window, Casey didn't trust Danielle to drive the car. Danielle didn't know where they were going or why there was a big wrapped present in the back seat.

"I'm not telling you where we're going" Casey said "It's for me to know and for you to find out."

"Are you admitting me into a mental institution?"

"Now why would I do that when you're always seeing your old therapist almost every day?"

"I guess you have a point. You're still not going to tell me?" Danielle asked.

"It's for me to know and for you to find out in...an hour or so."

Danielle gave her sister a disappointing look, and then went back to staring out the car window.

* * *

Casey parked the car in the driveway that had a nice house in a small town. Casey and Danielle got out of the car and walked towards the house.

"You're still not going to tell me why we're here at this fancy house?" Danielle asked.

"You'll find out soon enough."

They walked up the steps to the front door and Casey rang the doorbell. Danielle had no idea where they were or why they were even here. A minute later, a young woman opened the door. Danielle thought that she looked like Valerie, the woman who was going to be her daughter's adoptive mother.

"You must be Casey and Danielle" Valerie said with a smile on her face "Come on in."

They entered the spacious house and followed Valerie into the living room. When they entered the living room, Danielle saw someone that she didn't expect to see; her own daughter. Casey looked at her sister and she looked like she was going to cry.

"Liz, look what your mom and your aunt brought you for Christmas!"

"Ma-Ma?"

Liz wobbled towards Casey and Danielle while Casey put the present down on the floor for Liz. Danielle didn't know what to say or do, but she knew that there were so many racing thoughts going through her head. How did Casey make this happen? Danielle couldn't believe that her own daughter was in front of her in the flesh. Liz looked almost like Danielle, except Liz had her father's blond hair.

"Danielle, why don't you help your daughter open her present?" Casey said. Danielle nodded and sat down next to Liz. Liz looked at her real mother.

"Ma-Ma?"

"Hi Honey" Danielle said as she started to have a huge smile on her face.She picked up her daughter and put Liz on her lap "Why don't we open this present and see what's inside?"

Danielle was the one who opened the present while Liz was holding the wrapping paper and looked at it. When Danielle opened the present, she knew that Casey spoiled her. Liz got a toddler sized bike with training wheels.

"Wow Liz" Valerie said "Look at the bike!"

Liz got up from Danielle's lap and touched the box. She started hopping with excitement when her adoptive mother said the word "Bike".

* * *

"I'm glad you informed us about Danielle's condition" Valerie said when Casey and Danielle were about to go back home "At least we know what to expect with Liz."

"It's no problem" Casey said "Danielle was just as worried when the doctors told her that Liz would possibly be infected..."

"I don't want my daughter dealing with the same thing that I'm dealing with" Danielle said quietly. Valerie nodded in argeement.

"Well, it was a pleasant visit with the both of you" she said "If you're up for another visit, you're welcome to come...just call us first."

Valerie turned to see Liz on the stairway.

"Liz, don't you want to say goodbye to your aunt and your mother?"

Liz ran over like any one year old would. Casey picked the toddler up and kissed her on the forehead.

"See you soon Lizzie" Casey said.

"Bye Case...Caser."

"Oh dear" Danielle said with a grin on her face "I think someone else loves calling you Caser instead of Casey."

"Here, why don't you tell your daughter about that nickname" Casey joked as she handed Liz to Danielle.

"That's an interesting nickname" Valerie said "Who used to call you that?"

"I did" Danielle said "I don't know why, but when I was a toddler I always called Casey to that nickname."

"At least someone else will be calling me that when I visit" Casey said.

"Bye Liz."

"Bye Ma-Ma"

It was hard for Danielle to give Liz back to her adoptive mother. Danielle knew that it was going to be the last time that she was going to see her daughter. When Casey and Danielle walked away from the house, Danielle started to form tears in her eyes.

* * *

It was silent on the way home. Danielle was staring out the window and could only think that it would be the last time she would see her daughter. She has been feeling weak, and she knew that as the months went by that she would only get worse. Casey glanced as Danielle and saw that she was looking out the window, and she knew that Danielle was upset.

"Danielle, I know you're upset. Do you know why you're upset?" Casey said "I know because I was upset when I looked out the window during that day I packed my stuff out of that office."

Danielle didn't say anything but unlike Danielle who gave up at talking to Casey, she caught Danielle's attention when she continued talking.

"You feel like that was the last time you were going to see Liz, don't you?" Casey asked.

Danielle looked forward and shook her head. She started to cry when her favorite song started playing in the car.

"Wouldn't you feel the same way?"

"I'll feel the same way when you're on your death bed, and you know it" Casey said quietly. She tried so hard not to bring up the subject of death, but she couldn't help it.

"I know, Casey. I just want to thank you for letting me see my daughter one last time before I lose it."

"No problem" Casey said "A certain girlfriend of yours told me that you wanted to see your daughter."


	8. DownHill From Here

It was a sunny and warm April Day, but not for Danielle Elise Novak.

Lately, Casey has been staying home from work to take care of Danielle. Her sister was only getting worse as the months progressed and while the doctors tried to be optimisic, Danielle turned their treatment options down. Danielle just wanted to give up and die, which might as well be a symptom of AIDS.

When Casey was reading a book, she heard Danielle throwing up in the bathroom. Even though this happened often, Casey sensed that something wasn't right. She got up from her seat, walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Danielle?"

Casey heard a loud and painful gag from Danielle. Casey opened the door and saw her sister kneeling over the toilet.

"Geez Casey, do you have to watch me puke?" Danielle asked.

"You sound like you're in pain. I'm only checking up on you."

Danielle put her face in the toilet and threw up again. When Danielle looked up, she sat down on the floor.

"You know that I'm really sick of this?" Danielle asked "I just want this all to be over."

"I know, Danielle" Casey said as she flushed the toilet for her sister "That had to be the hundredth time you said that. Here, let me help you up."

Casey reached for both of Danielle's hands, grabbed them, and lifted her sister up. It was easier to help Danielle up from the floor this time, but that was only because Danielle lost a lot of weight in six months.

"Are you hungry?" Casey asked.

"Isn't that a stupid question?" Danielle snapped. Then she realized that being mean to Casey wasn't necessary.

"Geez, I'm sorry Casey..."

"Don't worry about it" Casey said "Just go back to bed and relax."

* * *

Danielle couldn't get out of bed to go to the bathroom. That's when the realization of her life close to ending came to her. She started crying loudly and a few seconds later, Casey ran into the room.

"Danielle, what's wrong?"

"I can't get out of bed!"

"What do you mean you can't get out of bed?"

"I can't move, Casey. It hurts to even move!"

"Do you need me to help you?" Casey asked

"Yes, but don't be surprised if I scream in pain."

* * *

Ever since Danielle's symptoms got worst, Abby never got to see her. They weren't dating anymore, but Abby was still a good friend. She knocked on the apartment door, wondering if she could handle seeing Danielle in the condition that she's in. Casey opened the door and looked at Danielle's friend.

"Abby, I'm glad you can come."

"It's not a problem at all" Abby said as she walked in "How is she doing?"

"She can't get out of bed without someone picking her up and bringing her to the bathroom" Casey said quietly "The doctors are giving her a few more weeks."

"This must be hard on you, Casey. How do you do it?"

"I have to do this, she's my sister."

Abby nodded as she walked into Danielle's room. She saw that Danielle was in a sickly state and she looked horrible from where Abby was standing.

"Danielle? It's me...It's Abby" Abby said as she walked closer to Danielle's bed and sat in the chair next to the bed. Abby gently grabbed her hand and held it.

"Abby..."

Abby didn't know what to say. All she could do is sit with Danielle and think about the good times they had. A few minutes later, Danielle fell asleep. Abby let go of her friend's hand and got up from the chair. As she walked out of Danielle's room, she saw Casey standing right next to the door.

"I can't believe that's her" Abby said quietly "I can't believe that this happened so quickly..."

Abby started to cry, and when Casey put her arms around Danielle's friend, she couldn't help but cry too.


	9. The Emotional End

**Quick Author's Note:** I would like to warn the readers that this chapter is very emotional, and you might cry. I cried a lot when I wrote this chapter...it was so bad. I could honestly say that this is the first time that I cried when I was writing a very depressing chapter. But then again, I think this has to be the most depressing chapter in any of my stories.

Read and try to enjoy.

-blueskies723

* * *

Casey sat in the chair all day and every day for the past week. The only time she left Danielle's side was to eat, shower, and go to the bathroom. Casey slept in that chair, and she didn't care how uncomfortable it was. These days, she would do anything for Danielle.

Casey looked at Danielle, and she knew it was the end. All Casey could think about was how unexpected it will be when Danielle dies. She doesn't know when or what time; all knew Casey knew was that Danielle was close to dying.

She started looking at the photo album and skimmed through the pictures. When Casey looked at each picture, she went back and remembered everything that happened that day; Danielle's and Casey's Birthdays, the first time Danielle came here to visit Casey, the fire in the kitchen, the attempted suicide during Danielle's junior year that led Casey to be her guardian. Casey remembered the good and bad times, but it didn't matter. She wasn't ready to let her sister go.

Casey was crying, but she didn't realize that she was crying loud enough to wake Danielle. Danielle slowly opened her eyes and looked at Casey.

"Casey, please don't cry."

"I have no other choice" Casey said quietly "You're leaving me soon, and I can't do anything about it."

"Casey, I'm not leaving you..."

"What do you mean you're not leaving me?" Casey asked "Danielle, you're dying and I can't do anything about it."

"Do you remember when Mom died?"

"Yes..."

"Did Dad tell you anything about Mom always being with you in spirit?" Danielle asked.

"I think he did."

"Well, I'll be there with you in spirit, Casey..."

Casey started crying again as she reached for Danielle's hand.

"Danielle, I love you."

"I love you too, Casey...Do you remember the other thing that I said when I visited you at the hospital?"

"Yes...'You're my sister, and nothing will ever change that'" Casey said "I'll never forget that."

"Casey, will you do me a favor when I'm gone?" Danielle asked

"Sure, what's the favor?"

"Will you look after Liz for me?" Danielle said as tears ran down her cheeks "Look after her like you looked after me..."

"I will Danielle. I'll look after her for you."

"I feel so tired" Danielle said quietly "I'd like to fall asleep, and if I don't wake up...Well, I'd just like to say that you're the best sister anyone could ever have, and thank you for being in my life for almost 20 years."

"Please don't go to sleep..."

"I have to Casey..."

"Then I'd like to say that I love you, and I'll never forget you" Casey said as she continued crying "I'll be seventy or eighty year old and I'll still remember the time when you almost burned the damn apartment down; I'll remember every memory we ever shared."

"That means a lot to me, Case" Danielle said "I need to sleep now."

"All right...I'll let you sleep..."

Danielle slowly shut her eyes and fell asleep. Casey watched her as her breathing was slowing down. She held her sister's hand as she watched her and started remembering all the memories that they shared. A hour later, Casey saw that Danielle stopped breathing, and she knew it was the end. She checked Danielle's pulse just to make sure. There was no pulse and Danielle was dead.Casey let go and got up from her chair. She slowly walked out of the room but before she left and looked back at Danielle. She started crying as she left the room to make many of calls. The most important call would be to the funeral home on the other side of Manhattan.


	10. Progressing Years

Casey always thought that having a six year old in her apartment every Saturday was interesting. Saturdays were the only days Casey could have her niece over because surprisingly, she received her job at SVU back. Apparently, Kim Greyleck wasn't going a great job being a prosecutor. When Casey unpacked her things in her old office, she couldn't help but laugh and think "I guess Danielle is looking out for me if I got my job back."

Casey brought Liz to the Bronx Zoo. They saw all of the different types of animals. Casey tried to make Liz's visits educational, but once in awhile Casey would try to teach Liz how to play softball.

When they were walking around the zoo, Liz wasn't just curious about the animals, she was curious about where her mother was too.

"Caser, where's my mommy?"

Casey stopped walking and looked down at Liz. The kid had an innocent smile on her face, but Casey didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to say because Danielle never asked where her mother was.

"She's uh...why don't we look at the monkeys?"

"I want my mommy!" the six year old screamed. People around them looked as the six year started getting upset. Casey picked her up and started walking away.

"Liz, if you stop screaming, would you like some ice cream?" Casey asked

"I'll stop screaming, but I want my mommy."

Casey has never seen a child so upset. The only time Casey saw a child more upset was when Danielle didn't want to leave New York City after they helped Casey unpack for college. She looked at Liz and told her that they were going home. As Casey walked with Liz in her arms, she only wished that Danielle was there to make everything better.

* * *

As the years progressed, Liz's behavior only got worst. She wanted answers, but she never got any. Not only her behavior at home was terrible, but her behavior at the middle school was even worse. She would scream at anyone that made her upset or angry. She even punched a kid in the face when he was making fun of her. When Valerie told her this over the phone, Casey tried not to laugh. She wanted to laugh because Danielle would have done the same thing if someone bothered her in college.

The next time Liz stayed over Casey, she didn't expect her twelve year old niece to have such a sour face. They were eating at the kitchen table when Casey started to converse.

"So how's school?" Casey asked.

"It sucks" Liz mumbled

"Oh...how is it at home?"

"That sucks too. I don't even know why you're trying to make conversation with me."

"I'm trying to talk to you because you're my niece and I love you."

Suddenly, Liz got up and gave Casey a nasty look.

"How can you say that you love me?" Liz shouted "My own parents don't love me! And when I mean parents, I mean my real mother and father...not the adoptive parents that I'm forced to live with!"

"Liz, sit down. We need to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"I think you need to know the truth about your parents" Casey said quietly "Your adoptive parents may not like the fact that I'm talking about this, but I think this talk might help you cope with your pain."

"So now you're a psychologist?"

"You know, your mom wanted to be a psychologist."

"I don't believe you..."

"You need to believe me Liz" Casey said "You have two choices: You can sit here and listen to me, or you can be angry at everyone around you for the rest of your life."

Liz sat down in her chair. Casey couldn't help but think about all the times she tried talking to Danielle, and she realized that Liz was just like her mother in so many ways.

"So...where are my parents?" Liz asked quietly.

"Your father is somewhere away from here after being in jail for seven years."

"Why was he in jail?"

"He was in jail because he hurt your mother."

"Oh...how old were they when my mom had me?"

"They were eighteen" Casey said.

"So they gave me away. That's great" Liz said sarcastically.

"Your father was already in prison when you were born, and your mother wanted to keep you but she couldn't. Besides, I think it was a good decision."

"Why? Where is she now?"

"She's dead, Liz."

Liz stopped eating her food and froze. Liz always thought her parents were deadbeat drug addicts that didn't care about their daughter, but then when she heard Casey said that her mom was dead, she started to cry.

"Why...Why did she die? When did she die?"

"She died when you were only one year old" Casey explained "The last time she ever saw you was eleven years old during Christmas."

"That's where that pink bike with training wheels came from. It wasn't just your gift...it was my mother's gift as well...how did she die?"

"Your father got her sick with HIV and it went to AIDS a few weeks later when she found out."

"She didn't want treatment?"

"Liz, I should also mention that your mother also had depression. And when she found out about her sickness, she didn't want to live anymore."

Liz shook her head as she wiped the tears with her hands. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, but I guess it was better to hear it now than in a few more years.

"Casey, what was my mom like?"

"I'd thought you'd never ask."

Casey got up from her seat and walked away. Liz didn't know what Casey was doing until her aunt came back with a photo album. Casey placed the album in front of Liz while Casey sat back down in her seat. Liz opened the album and saw a picture of a toddler and a teenager.

"Who's who?" Liz asked as she looked at the first pictures.

"Danielle was three and I was sixteen" Casey said

"I didn't know you had brown hair"

"You never knew because I never liked my brown hair" Casey said with a chuckle "Danielle loved her hair and never wanted to dye it like I do."

"If my mom had brown hair, then why do I have blonde hair?"

"You have your father's hair" Casey replied "But other than the hair, you look exactly like your mother."

Liz gave a small smile as she continued to look through the photo album. Casey started to look too, and she secretly thought about when the pictures were taken in her head. Liz was at the last page at the photo album and saw Danielle with a baby. Liz looked up at Casey.

"Who's the baby?" Liz asked.

"That's you when we went to visit during Christmas" Casey said.

"Geez, my mother looks sick."

"She wasn't at sick as she was after Christmas."

"Maybe it was a good thing she didn't visit after that" Liz said as she shut the photo album and gave it to Casey.

"Liz, you may think that your mother was a bad person but she was the exact opposite" Casey explained "She loved you and only wanted the best for you. And I know for a fact that she would be disappointed in how you're acting."

"How do you know?"

"Even though there was a big age difference between us, we were close ever since her first visit here when she was fifteen. And believe me; she would most likely yell at you for acting this way. She's watching you, you know."

"Let me guess..."

"She's here by spirit" Casey said "That's what she told me before she died."

"Do you think she would be laughing if he found out that I punched a boy?" Liz asked

"She would be angry, but she would be secretly laughing about it."

"So I'm just like her" Liz said.

"You're exactly like your mother, with the exception of that blonde hair."


End file.
